You know no one is perfect, but is your partner taking advantage of your kindness, or are they doing the best they can?

First of all: Don’t beat yourself over second-guessing your relationship. It’s only natural. The fact that you are here, you probably are, also – second-guessing doesn’t mean it’s already over.

You’re simply looking out for yourself, as you should.

But what if these feelings are coming from your own insecurities, and your partner isn’t doing anything wrong? What do you do then, how do you tell the difference between the two?

This is exactly why so many people stay in toxic relationships, tolerate abusive family members, and toxic jobs.

It happens in all areas of life, but today’s topic is identifying the signs of a toxic relationship.

It is my hope that after reading the warning signs below, you’ll understand the difference between your partner taking advantage of your kindness, and truly doing the best they can.

Study: Why do We Stay In Toxic Relationships?

why do we stay in toxic relationships

Here’s some science for you. Factual information you can rely on.

A study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, researchers say that one of the reasons for staying in toxic relationships is worry.

When we think about leaving a toxic relationship, we worry about two things:

  1. What will happen to our partner when we leave them,
  2. What will happen to us, in regards to being single, and having to go back to the dating pool and doing it all over again.

In my own professional experience:

I am a guidance counselor, and in my talk with couples, I realized that another reason for staying is being afraid of leaving your comfort zone. We humans naturally fear change, and the added complexities of emotion create indecisiveness.

In other words:

We don’t know what to do – so we simply don’t to anything. It’s the easiest way to “deal” with the situation. Just stay put and hope for the best.

That’s why it’s so important to educate yourself on clear warnings signs of a toxic relationship. Read below to learn is your partner toxic, and when is it time to leave a relationship.

Enough examples.

Let’s move on to 5 clear signs your partner is being toxic. 

1. Your Partner Abuses You Verbally, Emotionally, or Physically 

how to deal with a toxic partner

These partners are the one who hurt you through words. They do this by always saying mean things to you such as you’re ugly, I don’t care about you, you’re nothing, you will never be successful, and you are never enough—these kinds of words that strike you and hurt you.

Physical abuse can take a form of someone punching you, kicking, causing bruises and scars. Their trigger might be because they are angry or they are drunk, but these people who are not able to regulate their emotions well will have a high chance of hurting you even when you are already married.

Emotional abuse can take the form of a partner who makes you feel that you are not good enough and reminds you of that consistently. At the same time, they threaten to leave you unless you don’t follow what they say. There’s a form of manipulation involved. Someone is emotionally abusing you when they threaten to hurt you or themselves or other people if you leave them.

2. Your Partner is Over Possessive, and Not Independent 

what if partner is over possessive

These partners will take away their independence. That means they don’t want you to go out with your friends. They don’t allow you to go out without them being in the picture.

They are always jealous and always abusing you of doing something that you should not be doing. They always check your phone, always ask you who you are talking to, and they don’t allow you to explore other things for your growth.

They get angry when you are with friends or family. You are not allowed to have your privacy. It seems like they own you.

3. Your Partner Lies to You, and is Dishonest in General

what if my partner is lying to me

This kind of partner lies to you to get away with things. They are dishonest just so to avoid conflict or to avoid communicating with you. If you caught them lying, they’ll not take responsibility and will deny it.

4. Your Partner Just Doesn’t Try as Much as You Do

dealing with a toxic lazy partner

When there’s no effort in the relationship, then the person shows a lack of interest. They don’t spend time with you anymore, and they take, but not give. They seem disinterested.

They might be there physically, but there’s just no effort to work on the relationship. They seem to be distant without any reason at all.

5. Your Partner is Lazy, but Depends on You Financially 

how to identify a toxic partner

This is a sign of a toxic relationship when your partner always asks money from you because they don’t have work or because they have debt.

You know that’s an unhealthy relationship because they are lazy and they know they can ask money from you anytime.

They will make up reasons on why you should lend them money, but then you’ll find out that they’re using it for their vices or just wasting it.

The More Time Passes By, the Harder it is To Leave

when to let go of a relationship

As humans, we have the ability to get used to any situation we are in. Take the current COVID-19 pandemic for an example. In the beginning of 2020, the whole world panicked, people were building shelters and buying groceries left and right.

6 months later, and we’re going into another wave as we’re approaching winter, but this time people are much more annoyed than they are panicking.

That’s a huge difference. What do you think will happen if this keeps going on for a few more years, or say, another 10? You bet we’d get so accustomed it that we’d start forgetting how much life was enjoyable before.

The point: The longer you suffer from something, the more it becomes the norm and most people end up accepting it as it is.

Now imagine if you could simply “break up” with COVID-19, wouldn’t you? Heck yeah you would. Sadly, we can’t break up with the pandemic, but we sure can with a toxic partner.

Social pressure and public opinion are another major factor we all consider. People will tell you “it’s just the way they are”, or even that “it’s not real love if you don’t stick to it”.

So How Do You Deal With a Toxic Partner?

warning signs of a toxic relationship

Well, the answer is simple, but one of the hardest things to do:

Let go.

Not kidding. I know it’s hard primarily when you’ve known the person for a long time but then if you’re settling for less just because you think that you’ll never find somebody else, do you think that’s enough reason to stay in a relationship?

Summary: Don’t Stay Just Because You’re Lonely

should you stay with toxic partner and relationship

Don’t come to the point that you’ll lose all your respect for yourself, all your love for yourself because you’ve kept on giving and giving. If you’re reading this and there are already signs that your partner is becoming toxic, then talk to them.

Try to fix your relationship but know that you can’t change a person overnight.

Change is such a big thing. Don’t expect your partner to be different. When you already know that the person has been like that for several years and you’ve done your best to talk to them out of it, then maybe this is the sign to leave them.

Nothing will happen if the relationship will not bring any good to you. You’re just be bringing problem and psychological damage to yourself.

When you still can, let go and go out of that relationship.